愚人节要到了,送你20个冷笑话压压惊

沪江网校考研 2019-11-07 15:07:14

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3月就要过完了,马上就是愚人节了。


这个月我们又积攒了一波热乎的冷笑话,


来,笑~~


01



当你坐到了毛概课的课堂上,却发现手机不在口袋里。

When you sit down for a political propaganda class and suddenly realise your phone is not in your pocket.



02



急诊室门口,下巴脱臼的病人们正在排队等待治疗。

Patients with dislocated jaws are lining up outside the emergency department waiting for their treatment.



03

When your hands slipped when tearing a bread and you accidentally punched your dog in the eye with your elbow.



04


拿铁

Latte



05


春季限定樱花拿铁

Spring-Limited  Sakura Latte



06


冰美式

Iced Americano



07


你是个好人,不过你脸太黑。

You are a good guy. But you just don't look like someone who see eye to eye with fortune.



08


就跟你说不要戴着耳机睡觉啊。

Told you not to sleep with your earphones still on.



09

Two elephants are fighting using qing kung.



10


去内蒙的站票了解一下。

Would you like to know about the standing tickets to Inner Mongolia?



11


My freshly made manicures can't touch water!



12


喜欢扔粉笔头的老师发现全班都睡着之后,准备放大招了。

The teacher who loves shooting chalk stumps just found out the whole class has fallen asleep. So she's about to bring out a super strike.



13


在自己的葬礼上听说他们要宣读你5年前的QQ空间。

When you're at your own funeral and hear that they are gonna publicly read out your facebook posts from 5 years ago.



14


被路人多看了几眼就以为人家对自己有意思。

Someone who thought a passer-by was into him just because he saw her looked at him for a second.



15

Close. Close. I'm nearly touching it!



16


——每个月花20美元就能把你的孩子寄存在云端,您看怎……


——成交。



17


正在度假的马云又听到旁边有人在引用他没说过的话。

When Jack Ma is on a vacation and eardrops again that someone is citing him for something he didn't say.



18


猫:不是说要去买小鱼干吗?!为什么我看到前面是兽医诊所?!

Cat: Aren't we going for anchovies? Why am I seeing the vet's clinic there??!!


狗:习惯就好。

Dog: You'll get used to this.



19


奶奶听到了《希望的田野上》,不由自主开始蹦迪。

Grandma heard I Will Always Love You and switched into disco mode right away.



20


当你花了半个小时也没拧开瓶盖的时候,你作为一名独立、能干、新时代女性的世界观开始崩塌。

When you spent half an hour and still couldn't open a bottle, you started to doubt whether you're really an independent, capable and modern woman as you thougt you were.



这一期的冷笑话就到这里,


我们一起期待下一回吧嘤嘤嘤嘤嘤......


本文部分素材来自微博用户@日式冷吐槽



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